Post-game presser, Game 22 (Cremona @ Houston)
Feb 13, 2023 16:36:16 GMT -7
QC Mike and Belfast like this
Post by alphalackey on Feb 13, 2023 16:36:16 GMT -7
(All questions fielded by team captain Joe Thornton)
JT: "Okay, let's open it up to the media. You there, go ahead."
MJ: "Hello Joe; Manny Jerkowitz, Cremona Sheep-Shagger here.."
JT: ".. and what paper are you with?"
MJ: "...?"
JT: ".. never mind. What's the question?
MJ: "We all noticed that this game started on a pretty nasty note, and you seemed ready to go from the get-go. What on earth did Brady Tkachuk say to you?"
JT: "Well, I gotta tell you, I was looking forward to a very nice, very civil game, irrespective of whatever Scooby-Doo-villain shenanigans that Cremona had up their sleeve, but Brady, he said something that really crossed the line; he skates up to me and he says 'you know, I watched that Rollerball movie, it was shit. Not half as good as the newer one with that kid from American Pie!"
MJ: ".. Chris Klein?"
JT: "Right?! That poor-man's Cory Monteith couldn't carry James Caan's jock strap if we tied it twice around his ol' pencil neck. And so I remember a line from that movie; paraphrasing, it was like 'sometimes, it's worth a two minute penalty to let someone know their movie takes are especially shitty that day.'
So anyways, I started slashing."
MJ: "Did your coach say anything to you when you got back to the bench?"
JT: "I told him what he said, and he told me I clearly didn't hit him hard enough, he was still skating."
MJ: "Any comment about how that guy never stops yapping?"
JT: "Who do you mean? Brady, or my coach?"
MJ: "...."
JT: "Nevermind. Next question."
CB: "Hello Joe; Congolia Breckenridge, Daily Fart-Sniffer here"
JT: "Holy shit, I should have saved my joke for you!"
CB: "...?"
JT: "Nevermind. Go ahead."
CB: "Any thoughts on your team's future in the years ahead?"
JT: "Yeah, for sure. We.. heh, well, 'they', now, I guess... they have a good young core, a few key players at every position. They have a coach who pores over strategy sessions like his hero Roger Nielson, and a manager who plays it steady and stolid like his hero, Kevin Cheveldayoff. No rash unscientific decisions, no blockbuster-just-because trades. If the team doesn't give up and the fans don't give up, the playoffs aren't too far away."
CB: "Is that really how you feel? I couldn't help but notice you staring at some sort of.. cue cards just off t..."
JT: "Yeah, okay, I gotta go. I was promised first crack at catering, and last I checked, there are 72 crab rangoons that ain't gonna eat themselves. It's been a slice!"
... the room clears, leaving one neglected Houston sports reporter from some unnamed periodical, with the tagline "All The Sports News That's Fit To Print... after the Astros, Texans, Rockets, and Dynamo are done playing" sitting on top of their letterhead.
The reporter makes some notes:
8 wins in 22 games, about where they predicted.
A fun atmosphere at home games, a never-give-up attitude on road games
81 goals scored, raising $405 USD for a great cause
A clear roadmap for the future, a map they followed from their draft to their first trade
.. and as this nameless reporter heads off to submit their copy to close out the year, I too want to close out the season, saying what an absolute honor and joy it was to be rolling dice and pretending it was hockey.
If I have but one regret, it's that I didn't bother getting in on those Ogre's Den snack club cards when I started
but also, thanks to Adrian DeRoche (an absolute stalwart of the gaming community) for always having a table ready somewhere for the Sundogs to play. Just remember, you rerrannge "Ogre's Den" and you get "SREENDOG" and that's, like, close enough
See you all next year!
JT: "Okay, let's open it up to the media. You there, go ahead."
MJ: "Hello Joe; Manny Jerkowitz, Cremona Sheep-Shagger here.."
JT: ".. and what paper are you with?"
MJ: "...?"
JT: ".. never mind. What's the question?
MJ: "We all noticed that this game started on a pretty nasty note, and you seemed ready to go from the get-go. What on earth did Brady Tkachuk say to you?"
JT: "Well, I gotta tell you, I was looking forward to a very nice, very civil game, irrespective of whatever Scooby-Doo-villain shenanigans that Cremona had up their sleeve, but Brady, he said something that really crossed the line; he skates up to me and he says 'you know, I watched that Rollerball movie, it was shit. Not half as good as the newer one with that kid from American Pie!"
MJ: ".. Chris Klein?"
JT: "Right?! That poor-man's Cory Monteith couldn't carry James Caan's jock strap if we tied it twice around his ol' pencil neck. And so I remember a line from that movie; paraphrasing, it was like 'sometimes, it's worth a two minute penalty to let someone know their movie takes are especially shitty that day.'
So anyways, I started slashing."
MJ: "Did your coach say anything to you when you got back to the bench?"
JT: "I told him what he said, and he told me I clearly didn't hit him hard enough, he was still skating."
MJ: "Any comment about how that guy never stops yapping?"
JT: "Who do you mean? Brady, or my coach?"
MJ: "...."
JT: "Nevermind. Next question."
CB: "Hello Joe; Congolia Breckenridge, Daily Fart-Sniffer here"
JT: "Holy shit, I should have saved my joke for you!"
CB: "...?"
JT: "Nevermind. Go ahead."
CB: "Any thoughts on your team's future in the years ahead?"
JT: "Yeah, for sure. We.. heh, well, 'they', now, I guess... they have a good young core, a few key players at every position. They have a coach who pores over strategy sessions like his hero Roger Nielson, and a manager who plays it steady and stolid like his hero, Kevin Cheveldayoff. No rash unscientific decisions, no blockbuster-just-because trades. If the team doesn't give up and the fans don't give up, the playoffs aren't too far away."
CB: "Is that really how you feel? I couldn't help but notice you staring at some sort of.. cue cards just off t..."
JT: "Yeah, okay, I gotta go. I was promised first crack at catering, and last I checked, there are 72 crab rangoons that ain't gonna eat themselves. It's been a slice!"
... the room clears, leaving one neglected Houston sports reporter from some unnamed periodical, with the tagline "All The Sports News That's Fit To Print... after the Astros, Texans, Rockets, and Dynamo are done playing" sitting on top of their letterhead.
The reporter makes some notes:
8 wins in 22 games, about where they predicted.
A fun atmosphere at home games, a never-give-up attitude on road games
81 goals scored, raising $405 USD for a great cause
A clear roadmap for the future, a map they followed from their draft to their first trade
.. and as this nameless reporter heads off to submit their copy to close out the year, I too want to close out the season, saying what an absolute honor and joy it was to be rolling dice and pretending it was hockey.
If I have but one regret, it's that I didn't bother getting in on those Ogre's Den snack club cards when I started
but also, thanks to Adrian DeRoche (an absolute stalwart of the gaming community) for always having a table ready somewhere for the Sundogs to play. Just remember, you rerrannge "Ogre's Den" and you get "SREENDOG" and that's, like, close enough See you all next year!